Boring post about my highschool crush

I had a crush in highschool, like many people allegedly do, and I want to tell you about mine. Its not all that interesting, and I was rather pathetic, so if you don't want any of that, feel free to move to your next distraction. (This blog will not devolve into a sappy pedestal for my sappy emotions, I promise) Anyways, this poor girl was pretty, and worse, she was nice. There are plenty of beauty queens in this world, but to find a nice one is rarer. I can resist beauty alone, but my high-school self couldn't handle the combination, apparently. Worst of all, she was completely un-dateable. Her parents wouldn't let her.

This is the part where I look really pathetic: I decided that if I couldn't date her, I would be the best friend possible, and hang out with her whenever there was an opportunity. It was akin to stalking, but we actually interacted, and she was usually appreciative of the company. Usually. Then it all exploded. Of course I was telling one of my closest friends how I felt, and my desire was apparent. This friend is pretty bad at keeping these things to himself, even now, where he slipped up over Skype. This friend told others of my infatuation with this highschool crush, and word spread throughout my junior year.

This rumor progressed to the point where said woman rejected me, even though I had never petitioned her for one. It sucked, and what's worse, she was super nice about it, so I couldn't tell myself: "Well, she's a jerk anyways". She said she couldn't and wouldn't date anyone, and she still wanted to be friends. Then she went to prom with one of her other friends without even telling me beforehand.  That was lame, I was upset for quite some time, but I'm not bitter anymore, at least towards her.

It did leave me changed, and in a way that I think is significant. I'm overly afraid of rejection and being 'friendzoned'. I'm not likely to put myself on the line, even if the outcome looks promising. I know its not smart, in fact, it's quite dumb. To postpone the question of "what kind of friends are we?" either makes the rejection that much worse when it comes (you've spent so much time wondering, its bound to hurt), robs you of the happiness you could have (A relationship without question of validity is better, I think) or the delay causes the degree of attraction to dwindle. Knowing this doesn't make me any less afraid of it.

That's where I come from 'romantically': a pathetic highschooler without a chance, and getting rejected without actually asking for it. I can't say I have any kind of disorder, but I feel like these occurances have shaped my emotional security. It's not a huge deal, and I'm surprised at the length of this post, I hope I didn't bore you.

TL;DR: This is the plan I had for my highschool crush, and it doesn't work. I got rejected without actually asking for it. This is why I'm afraid of asking people out and also why I'm afraid of not asking people out. (xkcd below)