Doldrums

Greetings from the doldrums of summer. I'm pretty sure I only have one reader these days because I haven't posted in about 2 months. But that's not a reason to stop, I suppose. Currently I am struggling to overcome the wait for my LDS mission, mostly by working, reading, and wasting time on the internet. My call comes in exactly one week, barring some kind of delay up at headquarters. And even when I do get it, I'll still have at least 3 months before I leave. I work, study for the mission, and sleep.

So that leaves me in this dilemma: What do I do with my remaining time?

Option 1: Play video games. This option is attractive because it requires very little work on my part, and I'm easily entertained, so games won't be a drain. On the other hand, it's terribly dull in the long run, and I get all kinds of grief from my parents. (That's another story)

Option 2: Read books. This option is awesome because I always used to love books, and it gives me a greater depth of culture and imagination. (Trust me, my booklist is good, I'll share it sometime) The issue with this is that I've found it difficult to get into reading as avidly as I once did.

Option 3: Explore the valley by bicycle. Out of all the potential physical activities I can do, biking is by far the most appealing. It can be independent, exhilarating, and less painful than running. I also have a buddy I can ride with, so that's a plus. The disadvantage is that I'm unsure of new routes and I don't want to get injured right before I'm expected to serve.

Of course, I could do all of these things. I don't want to just sort of do these things though, I want to have a good time. I don't want to play the same video game endlessly, I don't want to get stuck in one genre reading books. I also don't want biking to turn into a zealous attempt to "get fit", and ride the same places all the time.

I have other things that use my time, of course. I'm doing some wall construction for a neighbor, and I'm writing 5 current or future missionaries. I work about 30 hours a week. I'm just tired of all me extra time seeping away.

This is all in reflection of course, I'm probably going to carry on just as I have in the past. It's the easy way. But I would hypocritically encourage you, reader, to carpe diem, seize the day. Make someone smile, do something memorable.

Blog dump

I've taken some pictures, I think it's time to post some of them on my blog. Sadly, none of them tell any interesting stories, so scroll past for the good stuff.

Okay, so there were not as many pictures as I thought there was. Time to break out the camera more, I guess. Next time I'll find a more interesting picture to post, and there will probably only be one. These pictures were all taken to and from campus. I've done more interesting things since.

First, I am now single again. (I'm not even sure the readership of this blog was aware I was in a relationship--oh well) It was more painful than any break-up I've had, but that's not saying much. I'm doing quite well, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate me too much. I certainly don't hate her. There were a variety of reasons, but much of it came from the inevitable future where we would live far from each other. 

I now have my bike back! Outside of using it for college transit, I've been to the base of the Y, through 2 miles of the Provo River parkway, and to downtown Provo. Riding down the foothills by the Y was fantastic, and the Provo River parkway really makes me thankful for my mountain bike shocks. I have yet to have any accidents, which I am grateful for. 

I've started to go fencing on Tuesdays with the Rebel Swords Fencing club. I'm pretty bad at it, but it's loads of fun. I have a figure that doesn't exactly fit the normal (I'm tall and thin) so the first time I went, I was a bit late and got the last pickings of club gear. I was basically a bat. My vest felt wider than it was tall, but it was the only one left with good sleeves. I got hit so many times because of my wings. I showed up on time this week, and found a great one that was a pretty good fit. I did get stabbed in the back during a kind of battle royal style of fencing (a game, not an official style) by a good friend. I don't feel too bad about it, cause she won the free-for-all in the end anyways. 

Here's the fan corner topic: Doctor Who. I've been using my former girlfriend's Netflix (with permission) to catch up on season six. If you've never seen it, you have to at least try a few episodes, such as "Blink", "The Empty Children", or "The Eleventh Hour". Then start in on the first season of the 'new' series with the 9th doctor, Christoper Eccleston. 

Rampant constraint

The good new is, I'm getting really good at going to campus on time. The bad news is I'm no better at going to sleep at a decent hour. So today my brain is slightly askew, but I've noticed things I haven't before.

Today as I walked home from campus, I went through a tunnel I hadn't traveled through before, and just went north-west after that, because that's where my apartment is. I took a handful of very short notes in my very small notebook, and they are very cryptic because the notebook is tiny and I can't expound on things when my hands are cold. So here they are, unchanged from my notebook.

Chains complaining

Endless dark hedges

The sidewalk was unfamiliar

Sleep deprived

Sour worms that never 

sweetened

Smell of fast food nose

wrinkling not mouth watering

BYU blue bluer than sky

Hands cold in a familiar

way.

Photographs waiting

Astonishing number of

Apartments

The weight of the mountains

The tiniest cog.

Underground mystery

Black slush chimney

Dance Dance

Danie

The leaves that never fell

Muted chicken tracks

Yeah, I'm pretty much toasted. I'll expand on a few of these snippets of my thoughts in the future, when I'm less tired. I think this was a good exercise in seeing the world a little better, even if the world was far too bright today for my poor eyes. Take a look around, you'll be surprised what you might see. 

Shutdown

Last post (a while ago, I know) I spoke of an uprising, a change in my life. Well, that uprising got shutdown. Change doesn't come that easy, it seems. I'm not doing any worse, I'm still vaguely optimistic about the future. My life's just not quite in order yet.

There's a little saying that goes something like this. Here are three things: 1. School, 2. Social life, 3. Sleep. Welcome to college, pick 2. I don't like this saying, because I think there's a way to have all three, plus, sleep is required. It comes down to time management, and I'm terrible at it. I have a watch and a calendar with all my schoolwork on it, but it doesn't help that much. I'm just not an orderly person, and that's not good. I figure if I can learn to form habits, things will be easier, and I'll get more of what's best. I'll start small. Here we go: Dishes. Wash 'em when I use em. I can do that. This is not a late New Year's resolution, I've already discussed how those are irrational.

I hope I don't become too "grown up" by doing this, but perhaps the 'joy of youth' is the enjoyment of not having to take care of yourself, and if growing up means taking care of myself, I guess that's what I'm trying to do.

Nerd's corner: League of Legends

This game is fantastic, and easily takes up more than 75% of my gaming time. I play it with friends, I play it with automatically found players. It is very fun when you get into it, however, this game is ridiculously addicting, so of course I can't recommend it to anyone who has a schedule like me. It involves strategy, quick hands, teamwork, and a thick skin. It's an online DOTA style game, where you and your team defend your base from the other team (whose win conditions are the same as yours, just opposite bases) You play with others across the internet, and each match lasts about 40 minutes. (Internet people can be vulgar and rude, hence the need for a thick skin.)

I play this game a little too much, so if I disappear randomly from the internet or don't text back for about 40 minutes. It's hard to leave a match, because your team (made up of your friends, usually) is counting on you. There are things worth leaving for. I actually hope to be playing less of this so that I can have more time for study and friends, but that may take some time. I've actually decided to not play after 11pm, just for the sake of sleep.

Uprising

With 16 credit hours here at college, it can be a real challenge to pretend like all of them are interesting. Classes seem to go really well when I think they are interesting, but most of the time, in all honesty, they're quite boring. With that said, I'm doing a pretty good job at pretending, and everything seems to be going well .
My friend's blog talked about his personal revolution, and how he'll be combating his sleep schedule and personal apathy. It inspired me to make my own plan, not a rebellion, but an uprising. These phases represent the things I'm doing to move my revolution forward.

Phase 1- Get 'er done.
I'm a college student, and its about time I started acting more like one. This doesn't mean I'm adopting a schedule, or that I'll never miss a class again, but it does mean I need to start putting classwork on the top of my agenda. You might argue against this philosophy, saying there's more to life than schoolwork, but really, I don't have so much homework that it will eat up all my time.

Phase 2- Carpe diem
I'm an introvert but that isn't an excuse to do nothing with my free time. I do an insane amount of surviving college, but not nearly enough living. I have a friend who's blazing through college, even going to Ireland for some kind of research. I'm trying to find things that I can do that aren't on the path of least resistance, because I want to have awesome things happen to me, and as a soccer coach from years ago told me: "The ball never comes to you, you go to the ball"

Phase 3- Collaboration
I've met tons of wonderful people around college, the internet, and back home. If I want any cool things to be produced by my hands, I'm going to need other hands too. I'm only one person, and I only have one personality, one set of skills. (I can get more, but not all). If you want to make something cool, let me know!

This is the uprising.

And that's a good transition to this new section. I don't know what I'll call it, but its where I tell you one thing  that I enjoy tons: The Uprising album by Muse. Its one of the only albums that I listen to all the way through frequently.

Boring post about my highschool crush

I had a crush in highschool, like many people allegedly do, and I want to tell you about mine. Its not all that interesting, and I was rather pathetic, so if you don't want any of that, feel free to move to your next distraction. (This blog will not devolve into a sappy pedestal for my sappy emotions, I promise) Anyways, this poor girl was pretty, and worse, she was nice. There are plenty of beauty queens in this world, but to find a nice one is rarer. I can resist beauty alone, but my high-school self couldn't handle the combination, apparently. Worst of all, she was completely un-dateable. Her parents wouldn't let her.

This is the part where I look really pathetic: I decided that if I couldn't date her, I would be the best friend possible, and hang out with her whenever there was an opportunity. It was akin to stalking, but we actually interacted, and she was usually appreciative of the company. Usually. Then it all exploded. Of course I was telling one of my closest friends how I felt, and my desire was apparent. This friend is pretty bad at keeping these things to himself, even now, where he slipped up over Skype. This friend told others of my infatuation with this highschool crush, and word spread throughout my junior year.

This rumor progressed to the point where said woman rejected me, even though I had never petitioned her for one. It sucked, and what's worse, she was super nice about it, so I couldn't tell myself: "Well, she's a jerk anyways". She said she couldn't and wouldn't date anyone, and she still wanted to be friends. Then she went to prom with one of her other friends without even telling me beforehand.  That was lame, I was upset for quite some time, but I'm not bitter anymore, at least towards her.

It did leave me changed, and in a way that I think is significant. I'm overly afraid of rejection and being 'friendzoned'. I'm not likely to put myself on the line, even if the outcome looks promising. I know its not smart, in fact, it's quite dumb. To postpone the question of "what kind of friends are we?" either makes the rejection that much worse when it comes (you've spent so much time wondering, its bound to hurt), robs you of the happiness you could have (A relationship without question of validity is better, I think) or the delay causes the degree of attraction to dwindle. Knowing this doesn't make me any less afraid of it.

That's where I come from 'romantically': a pathetic highschooler without a chance, and getting rejected without actually asking for it. I can't say I have any kind of disorder, but I feel like these occurances have shaped my emotional security. It's not a huge deal, and I'm surprised at the length of this post, I hope I didn't bore you.

TL;DR: This is the plan I had for my highschool crush, and it doesn't work. I got rejected without actually asking for it. This is why I'm afraid of asking people out and also why I'm afraid of not asking people out. (xkcd below)

Real people > Famous people you don't know

"Why is it that nobody understands me, yet everybody likes me?"

I have a picture of Albert Einstein on my wall in my room. I never knew Einstein, but what I am familiar with are his quotes, which are quite amazing. Here's a few.

"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious."
"The heart says yes, but the mind says no."
"A forced faithfulness is a bitter fruit for all concerned."
"With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon."
"Love brings much happiness, much more so than pining for someone brings pain."
"Mere unbelief in a personal God is no philosophy at all."

At this point I was brought away from my blogging for a fairly good reason, that became a very good reason as the time passed. I'm rather unreasonably happy at what happened, and while ol' Al is interesting and inspiring, he's not exactly on my mind right now.

Take chances, keep your head. Don't forget to laugh, it will amplify your joy. Care enough about other people, and you might be surprised at how much they care about you.

Many people have told me recently how awesome I am, and my typical response is that I'm not used to hearing that. I believe that it was a direct result of me reaching out to meet new people, breaking out of loops. I'm not a new person, I've just met new people, and while I'm busy admiring them, they seem to think I'm pretty swell too.

So if life's got you down, find people to share your experiences with. Care about them, and, in my experience at least, they will care about you.

Loops

Loops are useful in programming, they let you repeat algorithms to find  a desired results, and many other things, I'm sure. Loops aren't so great in life though. Mostly in the "stuck in a rut" sense. Like that thing I do where I get on Facebook and scroll endlessly like a broken machine that has no "end" function. Or when I get stuck in a League kick. Even homework-y, studious loops can wear me out, which isn't good. Getting stuck in loops is generally bad, and I might just steal from xkcd and make not getting stuck in loops my post-new year's resolution. (xkcd is awesome, see 1154 for the inspiration)

No, not those kind of loops.

Here's a quote from my CS instructor about loops on the first day of class. "... and if you do end up praying in C++, NO LOOPS". I like this quote, and I think it came from a certain scripture, where the Zoramites gave the same prayer over and over about how much cooler they were than everyone. I don't care what your religious views are, as long as you don't go on and on about how much better, smarter, cooler you are because of your group of people that you belong to. Just sayin'.

I think I'm going to add a music section here, right now. Because I can't stop listening to Muse. Specifically Uprising, The Resistance, and United States of Eurasia. According to Wikipedia, Muse is a mix of space rock, alt rock, progressive rock, classical, heavy metal, and electronica. It seems there's a little something for everyone, but I just call it awesome.

Its currently 11:11. I refuse to make a wish.

New semester is moving along nicely, I'm a little sick, but hey, its January. I hope that this blog becomes a loop, but like the rest of my loops, I hope they get broken sometimes, so don't expect too much consistency. Another point about breaking loops: It doesn't always end well. A few days ago, I decided to break the loop of my sleeping time. I went on a spontaneous adventure with some Nerdfighters and stayed out 'til two listening to one of them complain about college and roomates for hours and playing hungry hungry hippos. That game was better when you were 5, trust me. I still value the principle of breaking loops and I accept the consequences associated. (missing some of my classes, with surprisingly little consquences. In addition, I was super sick that day anyways)

Next time: Albert Einstein and why I might have a poster of him in my room.

Of College and Geysers

So, before today, I was pretty excited about the upcoming semester. It was one of those feelings where I felt on top of the world, ready to face the new semester. But when it comes to challenging things (yes, college is challenging) those feelings tend to wear off pretty quickly. Persistence is much better than temporary zeal. Here, I'll relate an analogy that represents this idea.

2 summers ago, I went to Yellowstone National Park. It has many geysers, the most famous being Old Faithful. But it isn't Yellowstone's highest geyser. It only shoots about 100 feet into the air. In comparison, the Steamboat Geyser can reach nearly 400 feet. Why is Old Faithful so notorious then? The answer lies in its name: Old Faithful erupts many times a day, in a consistent schedule. The Steamboat Geyser last erupted many years ago, and has had several minor (30ish feet) eruptions, but nothing consistent or magnificent.

Those are full grown trees

These are full grown people

The moral of the story is to be consistent day to day. Its not important to be amazing once in a while, or even your best every day. It's important to keep going and never give up, and that's what I hope that this semester can be like. The initial anticipation I had wore off, but I hope to be just like Old Faithful: Reliable and consistent.

"Social" Media

Let me tell you a story. There was a boy who spent hours in his head, thinking about interesting things like geometry and strategy games, and arguably not enough talking to others. Shy, one might say. (there are so many misconceptions about shy people, I won't go there today) In any case, the "shy" little kid, only a seventh grader, went to the regular old middle-school after being in a so called "advanced program". As you might expect, the kid who spent too much time in his head wasn't particularly popular, and that's probably for the best, because this caused him to get sick of it and go back to the "advanced" middle-school in eighth grade. This is where many people were just like him, spending just the right amount of time in their heads, as he realized that thinking was very much an undervalued quality in most seventh graders. These people were awesome, and soon became great friends, or at least acquaintances. They played Super Smash Bros. together, survived our English teachers, and became friends on Facebook. 

Of course, the little boy is me, and at this point you're asking "What's so important about Facebook?". Well, while all these people were awesome and good friends, only a few remained as friends. No, not Facebook friends, real friends. (There is a difference, and if you don't think so, I am very, very sorry) The others moved on, to other high-schools mostly.

I moved on too, as most people would advise, and all was wonderful, until Facebook butted in. It won't let me forget these people.

That girl I thought was cute, but never gave me the time of day?
She's posting about Lord of the Rings, has a wonderful sense of humor, and is in general more awesome.

That guy who destroyed my gameplay as Ice Climbers with freaking Olimar?
He's still a gamer, still loves math, and has shown his true colors.

The guy everyone used to make fun of?
He's in college developing his talents in theatre production and standing up for himself.

The girl who I thought was just an athlete?
Enjoys the same music as I do.

That girl who laughed too much in theatre class, but you thought was untouchable?
She's in my same major, laughs at your jokes, is a nerdfighter and is awesome as well.

The list goes on. I miss these people terribly. If I didn't go to middle school with you, don't despair, I think you're awesome too. But there's a strange pattern of awesomeness coming from that school, and I wish I had held on to more of those friendships, because those people are extraordinary. If it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't have to worry about all the feelings of "you need to go talk to this person, they're awesome". I could just go on my merry way and find people that live near me and are perhaps equally fantastic. I want to reunite with these people, but nobody does middle school reunions. Plus there's everyone telling me to just make new friends, and my own feelings of inferiority.(compared to these people at least). All this drama, just cause of one social media site.  Go jump in a lake, Facebook.

Torsion

This is a picture of the awesome stuff I do in math class when polar coordinates are getting way too much attention. (They're super easy, by the way) Anyways, this is a picture taken from my crappy webcam that shows that those bracelets that people give away for just about everything are really good distractions. You might have been able to make one into three loops that lay flat (that usually fit snugly onto fingers), but I found out you can do two extra loops. I decided that there must be a way to make more loops, but the one I already did was pretty tight. Long story short, I did it. I'll explain how in a later paragraph.

College is pretty amazing right now, despite being one week from finals. My physics final is all multiple choice, and I get both sides of a sheet of paper in notes to take into the test. Looks like that test moved to the bottom of the study list. The only final I'm concerned about is my calculus final, because it is 50% of my grade, and we've gone through tons of material in just one semester. If I have to retake that class, so be it.

Anyways, back to the interesting stuff. It turns out that the twisting of the bracelet has a pattern. It is basically two intertwined helices (yes, I looked up the plural form). So you take the circular bracelet, and twist it twice, and let the spiral pull together, and you would (or should) have two circles, which you overlap vertically to form the simplest of the pattern. You can do the same thing except at the beginning, you twist it four times or six times. You end up with two spirals on each side of the bracelet, each with an opposite direction. You then simply stagger each loop with the opposite, and you get the awesome thing pictured above. I would try eight twists, but there are some problems. One, I don't think the thickness of the bracelet would allow it, I really struggled with getting six to fit. Also, this is the only bracelet I have, and I cant get it off of the pencil pictured. This is probably because I didn't get my pectorals sliced open in surgery (which I used to push the loops over the pencil) and my various back muscles did (which are required for pulling it off).

This is just one of many ways that the weakness of my back muscles is apparent. I don't feel like they are damaged and not repairing, they're just extraordinarily weak. I'm hopeful that the doctor will say everything is fine, and perhaps prescribe a way to increase the strength there, but he hasn't been too helpful in the past with ways to help myself get better, he just looks at x-rays and cuts my back open to straighten my spine out. Come what may.

Introvert

I'm a freshman college student. I do lots of silly things, like pulling an all nighter for no good reason or buying a pound of peach rings. I guess you could say I'm not really into the flow of college yet. But I am getting it, if a little slowly. I get my laundry, homework and dishes done, and I still get some sleep and social interaction.

Speaking of social interaction, I am what you would call an "introvert". This doesn't mean I'm shy or afraid, I just don't enjoy tons of social interaction like others enjoy it. I prefer a small set of close friends as opposed to a large group of acquaintance friends. I do have a few close friends here at college, and I'm very grateful for them. They  keep me sane in this new lifestyle. In fact, I had a party of the best kind tonight. It consisted of me and two others just talking about interesting things, getting locked out, sprayed by sprinklers and laughing alot. The opposite of this kind of party I experienced last weekend, where there was a large crowd, loud music and people trying to dance with a Wii remote in their hands. While I was with the same friends, it was far more draining than the simple, fun night tonight. 

Rouge Chalk

There's this weird thing that happens in my math class when my teacher erases the blackboard. Rouge clumps of chalk powder travel straight down the board at a constant(ish) velocity and pick up chalk residue (from previous erasing), leaving a vertical dark line. I wonder why It does that.

This last weekend was really terrible in some ways, but good in others. I stayed up late every night, came down with a runny nose, and "forgot" to do my laundry. But that's ok, because I learned that those things arn't as important as preparing for tests, or doing important homework. That's the thing about college. If you let the little things get too important, either you'll lose on the big things, or you'll go crazy trying to do everything. Sometimes its ok to let a little online quiz go if it means you'll be less stressed that night, or you can focus on one big test coming up, or a more important assignment. There's more to priorities than "do homework, do it now". You have to take care what really matters.

So I was going to post the answer to the weird phenomena in the first paragraph by quickly searching Google for the answer, but it wasn't anywhere to be found. (easily) But that's the best part! I don't know the answer. It's almost like the tiny chalk bits are attracted to other chalk bits, and if enough get close together, they fall and pick up the ones on the way down. I'll tell if I figure it out, but so far, its a fantastic mystery.

And then college kicked me in the butt

So it turns out that college math tests are really hard. I totally bombed my first test, and it felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks when I saw my score. I guess I need to revise my learning patterns to involve a lot more studying. I did every assignment, and I understood all the concepts, but I really needed to know a few details that made the difference between right answer and wrong answer. Anyways, I'm gonna keep fighting 'til good grades come naturally. Because they certainly aren't now.

Today's thought: There's a section of grass that is really wet all the time, and I usually walk across it on my way to my apartment. I'm pretty sure it doesn't get much sun because it's between two other buildings. But this path isn't used by me exclusively. Many others use this path and the grass is just starting to wear thin. This is somehow correlated to how muddy the area is, because today, my feet started sinking slightly into the mud, which has never happened before. I wonder if the grass is helping to absorb the water, and if so, will the area become increasingly muddy as the grass gets thinner? Time will tell. All I have right now is dirty shoes.

I don't have a bike

The amount of thoughts that go through my head in a day cannot simply be expressed in the limited "What's on you mind" box on Facebook. So I made a blog. It was far easier than I imagined, and its free too! Anyways, this blog is really going to be about weird things I wonder when I'm walking home from campus. They aren't always deep, but they are interesting to me.

Today, after finishing my torturous online math assignment with a friend on campus, he got on his bike, and I started to walk home. I fumed internally about how I can't ride a bike (legitimate reasons, don't worry) and wondered if two people could get somewhere together faster with only one bike. (no double riders, bike reconstruction,  etc.). Well my curious mind found out that that was incredibly easy compared to the math I was just doing 5 minutes ago, and yes, you can get there faster together on one bike, you just have the guy on the bike ride halfway and drop the bike and start walking. The other guy would reach the bike on foot and ride it to the end, where the now walking person would arrive at the same time. (assuming equal biking speeds and walking speeds) This is true because both individuals cover the same distances in the same amount of time, just in a different order.

But what if there were 3 people and one bike? Easy. Each would travel 1/3 the distance on the bike, and the rest on foot. This gets a little useless if the amount of people gets absurdly large, but it increases their travel time as an entire group. You can visualize this pretty easily too. The first biker rides out to 1/n of the distance. (n=#of travelers) and drops the bike. The next biker (in a group of walkers at the same distance) picks up the bike and travels to the 2/n mark, where he will meet the first biker exactly. This continues until the last biker rides the bike to meet the group of (n-1) walkers at n/n (the end). It's so cool! (to me anyways) I know there's a way to describe the ratio of time saved for any of these if I know the difference in the bike's velocity and the walker's velocity. But I'm too lazy to figure it out.

I don't always think about math, but today certainly isn't an exception. :D